“I have watched painful relationships between parents and children. I have seen parents who control and parents who neglect, parents who make terrible mistakes that hurt their children deeply, and parents who forgive children who have done awful things. I have seen nobility and courage; I have seen dreadful selfishness and utter blindness; and I have seen all these things in the SAME parents, raising the same children.
What I understand now is this. There is no harder job than parenting. There is no human relationship with such potential for great achievement and awful destructiveness, and despite all the experts who write about it, no one has the slightest idea whether any decision will be right or best or even not-horrible for any particular child. It is a job that simply cannot be done right.”
(Orson Scott Card, Ender in Exile, 2008, p. 300).
I have numerous philosophical, religious, and moral differences with Orson Scott Card. I've been a science fiction geek for many, many years, and Ender's Game was definitely one of the novels that touched me early, and deeply, and in a lot of ways really encouraged me to become an SF geek. The last five or six books of his that I've read have only served to inform my decision not to buy any more of his books- with his stance on gay marriage (among other things), I made a choice not to support him financially any more by buying any more of his books.
That decision went by the wayside (I'm weak), when I found myself in the middle of the ocean without anything to read, and picked up Ender in Exile from the ships' library.
I was lucky in that I really had a happy childhood. My biological parents were divorced early in my life, but I ended up with a truly wonderful stepfather and basically had a pretty great upbringing. It's always seemed kind of weird to me that so many of my friends hadn't, and that they still truly love parents who (in my opinion), have done horrendous things to them. I've never really understood how they can still "love" their parents after some of the things that have been done to them.
I also look at this quote in the context of me sending Dylan away to live in a group home- although it was (I still believe), the right decision for all of us (including him), I'm not sure that he'd see it the same way if I could understand his communication.
There really isn't any possibility that anyone is prepared to become a parent, or any possibility that children are prepared for the parents that they are born to. Every child deserves love, and nurturing, and the chance to be whatever they can be. And although I think that this quote could imply an exculpation for parents, I don't believe that's how it's intended...I think that it's saying that we can't always know the outcomes of our decisions for our children, and sometimes bad decisions can go hand in hand with the good decisions that we make for our children. I don't think that I've made too many bad decisions for my kids (although I'm sure that I have)...I just hope that when they're older, they realize that I made the decisions that I've made with the best of intentions. None of us have practice in this, and I believe that in a "good" family, we all learn from each other.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Something I read while on vacation
Cat turns up on weatherman's set
BBC NEWS | Europe | Cat turns up on weatherman's set
Very cute :-) It probably would have caused a meltdown in a North American studio :-)
(we're home safely- trip pictures coming soon!)
Thursday, January 01, 2009
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Happy New Year, everybody!
YouTube - Electrabel - Happy New Year (2009)(FR)
Yes, it is an ad, but it's beautiful.
Friday, December 26, 2008
Autism can't tear twin brothers apart
Autism can't tear twin brothers apart - St. Petersburg Times
Interesting article- this is something I think a lot about.
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
My awesome, awesome kids
Dylan
Rachel
Kirsten
I couldn't be luckier.
They are 13 years old, and the joy of my life.
I miss Dylan every single day of my life, and my biggest regret is that I don't have 2 clones who could have helped to make him and his sisters safe at home.
Rachel is most likely the most intelligent person I will ever meet in my life- all of her test scores, workers and teachers and friends agree on that. Life with her is never, ever boring.
Kirsten is now 3 year post-cancer, and doing awesomely. 4 years ago on Boxing Day we had to shave her head because her hair was starting to fall out...damn, she's come a long way since then. Her automatic openness and empathy to people who are "different" from her always put me to shame. I do it from conviction and theory desire, she does it without even thinking of it.
Yes, they're all autistic, and yes, it's difficult for all of us a lot of the time. But we manage to muddle through, and still love each other, and contribute to the world around us, and bring joy to some of the people that we meet (I think that the joy part is inspired by them, not me!) With the help of an absolutely amazing husband, my kids make my life blessed.
Sphere: Related Content
Monday, December 22, 2008
This American Life
This American Life
This week's episode:
370: Ruining It for the Rest of Us
"When they decided not to vaccinate their son against measles, two San Diego parents thought they were making the best decision for their child. But when the 7-year-old came home from an overseas trip suffering from the disease (pictured at left: measles virus), his family’s personal decision became a whole community’s problem. The resulting outbreak infected 11 children and endangered many others. This and other stories about what happens when people's actions and choices infringe on those around them. Including the disquieting truth about Amtrak’s Quiet Car."
If you listen to podcasts at all, you probably already know that This American Life is one of the best around. I'm looking forward to listening to this one.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
What Child is This and Hava Nagila
YouTube - Jingle Cats What Child is This
I'll never cease to be amazed at what you can find online.
The year 2008 in photographs (part 1 of 3) - The Big Picture - Boston.com
The year 2008 in photographs (part 1 of 3) - The Big Picture - Boston.com:
"Swiss pilot Yves Rossy, the world's first man to fly with a jet-powered fixed-wing apparatus strapped to his back, flies during his first official demonstration, on May 14, 2008 above Bex, Switzerland. (Fabrice Coffrini/AFP/Getty Images) #"
I'm terrified of heights and flying, but I still think that he must be feeling pretty amazing.
Awesome pictures- well worth looking through.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
pics
At our favourite restaurant
The night I met my husband (at a Fark party, actually)
Thursday, December 18, 2008
We have the most awesome special ed bus driver ever
We'd moved shortly before school started last year, and because my daughter R. always buses to school, we're always a bit on the edge waiting to see what her transportation is going to be like. She's taken everything from regular school buses, to "short buses", to cabs and vans, and it's always a bit nerve-wracking.
A couple of days before school started we had a knock on our door, and I opened it to find a gentleman in his 60s standing on our front porch. He introduced himself and said that he was R's new bus driver- that he'd been driving buses for years, but had never driven special ed kids before. He'd heard that children in special education were often more comfortable when they could anticipate a routine, so he was driving his route (that Saturday), not only to find out exactly how long it would take him, but to introduce himself to any of "his" kids that might be home that day. While I'm sure that the school board might have freaked out if they knew that he was driving around introducing himself to people, it was hugely helpful to us- he and R chatted for a few minutes, and it cut her anxiety down for the first day of school by a huge order or magnitude.
We ended up having transportation problems for the first few weeks- unknown to pretty much all of us, the school board had given him an extra route, so he was generally picking R up about 3/4 of an hour late. Needless to say that meant that she was pretty much in full melt-down by the time he got here- we all know that there's nothing more that a lot of autistic kids like than to have their routine thrown into that kind of disarray. We eventually got communication worked out between the four agencies that his routes involved, and he's been prompt, as well as incredibly patient and good with all of the kids.
This morning R went running out to her bus (she got a new sweater last night, so she was itching to get to school), and a few minutes later there was a knock on the door. He and his wife had put together a little Christmas package for each of "his" kids, but he thought that he should give it to me so that she wouldn't be gobbling down chocolate on the way to school.
We see so MANY stories about horrendous transportation experiences, and people who apparently have no ability or desire to get to know our kids. This man told me the first time I met him that he'd never been in a room with an autistic person before and was obviously nervous about it, and yet he has done a wonderful job because he treats "his" kids like people. We're lucky to run across people like him.
For the first time this year, I'm in a Christmas mood.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
update for Autism Twitter Day
Things are flying fast and furiously (figure of speech) on Autism Twitter Day.
For those people asking for more information- I have triplets, born in 1995- two girls, one boy. They are AWESOME kids. They were all diagnosed at 20 months of age after I noticed speech delays, and we were lucky enough to start with integrated daycare, speech therapy, occupational therapy, and integrated day care right away.
My son moved into a group home almost 5 years ago due to extreme self-injury and aggression. I was a single mom, and I couldn't keep him safe, or his sisters safe from him. He is in a fantastic home, we see him regularly, and he is still very much a part of our lives. Right now I have one child (D) in a group home who goes to a self-contained K-8 school, one child (R) who is in a self-contained classroom, and one child (K), who is in a "normal" classroom with no assistance.
The latest article on the kids talks about an awesome sensory playground that we go to every week.
I'm so glad that so many people are interested in us, as I have wonderful kids. They are a constant inspiration to me (and yes, we are going through puberty, so let's just say that every minute of every day is NOT inspirational).
Monday, December 15, 2008
Board games for family fun
Board games for family fun
Some good reviews if you're looking for Christmas presents!
Gingerbread Fantastic
YesButNoButYes: Gingerbread Fantastic
If there's a cooler gingerbread house than CBGB I'm not sure what it is :-) There are some awesome creations here.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Saturday, December 13, 2008
YouTube - The Pug Head Tilt
YouTube - The Pug Head Tilt
I'm not really a small dog fan, but that's pretty funny.
