Embracing the Chaos

I won't complain and I won't quit

2011-03-02T02:27:00.001-05:00

A rant on skepticism, from a skeptic

2010-08-28T14:43:00.000-04:00

I consider myself a skeptic (albeit a not-completely 'informed' one, as I've taken a winding road to get here). I was raised in a (very) 'moderate' Christian home...Anglican, where it doesn't really matter what you believe as long as you like the music and continue donating. It didn't do me a whole lot of harm at the time because I was older when I learned about the treatment of the Canada's [aboriginal people](http://www.cbc.ca/canada/story/2008/05/16/f-timeline-residential-schools.html)- I learned to sing, learned the Bible (which is a pretty good start for learning Western literature), and learned that other religions weren't evil (never mind my own). Became an agnostic about 35 years ago, still miss a few things about the church, but can't sit through a sermon without wanting to either jump up and debate or crawl off to a corner and throw up. Despite that, I can still see some good in the 'community' that can form in a moderately religiously forum, so I don't regret that time of my life. I've got autistic triplets, and have been through the whole autism wringer. I am very happy that [the appeal on the autism court ruling was rejected](http://www.reddit.com/r/skeptic/comments/d6jbg/appeals_court_rejects_autism_vaccine_link/)).

Skepticism fails, on some very visceral levels, for those people who need it most. I can't blame a lot of people for being skeptical of 'science' these days with all of the lawsuits against Big Pharma/Advertisers etc. I've seen the difference that anti-depressants can make for some people, I was trapped in my house for 4 months during a pertussis outbreak (I'm vaccine resistant), I'm not 100% sure that Bisphenol A is Satan, but I'll still take vaccination over chelation for my autistic kids any day, because I've still got a basic faith that peer-reviewed studies actually mean something as opposed to someone talking out of their ass. Even when our system of 'peer-reviewed studies' and following the scientific method is screwed up, it's still better than any alternative that we've seen yet. But, it's still not reaching the people who need it most.

We need better science education in our schools, so that people understand the difference between correlation and causation. We need better education on childhood development, so that parents know what to look for in the early years and months. We sure as hell need better information and education (and public friendly publications) on vaccines and what they actually do and don't do. We also need to be taught some basic scientific reasoning so that people don't need to listen to the [most vocal starlet](http://www.jennymccarthybodycount.com/Jenny_McCarthy_Body_Count/Home.html) on the news every day. Our society functions on sound bites, and Simon Baron-Cohen or Peter Szatmari sure don't compare to Jenny McCarthy with her boobs hanging out. My kids are actually pretty lucky, because yeah, they're autistic, but I haven't tried to detox them from mercury or feed them a weird diet or throw them in the water with dolphins (although really, who doesn't want to swim with dolphins).

I don't see this vaccine court decision as much as a failure of the courts as of our society that thrives on sensationalist sound bites. There should be a [Vaccine Court](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vaccine_court) for people who are harmed by vaccines, but autism just doesn't fall under that category. I feel for the Cedillos, because I've been in that place where I've seen my kids struggling and hurting and would have grabbed on to almost anything to get us all out of there, or at least make someone pay for what they go through every day. I was 'lucky' in that none of my kids would have survived without 'science' (10 week preemies, 1 kid with a rare cancer), so I learned early and often that if every single doctor and second opinion that you get tells you that something is true, you'd better bone up on what studies are all about. Our family has been so lucky. I was also 'lucky' that I managed to go to University, have more than 2 years of post-high school science, and have enough friends who are doctors and researchers to have been exposed enough to science education to have even a vague clue what to believe. I'm hardly priveleged, but I'm heads and tails above a lot of people's education, and those are the people who are being ignored.

The skeptical community fails to get their message across to the people who are making day to day decisions in their own lives. Pointing a finger and laughing at people in crisis because they don't understand the scientific method or peer-reviewed studies isn't helpful to anything, especially the 'cause' of skepticism". I want to live in a world that reason rules, and even more so, I want my kids to live in that world. Finally, even the 'autism community' (which is really thousands of splinter communities) are starting to pay attention to the fact that some of us have been saying for years- vaccines do not cause autism. Skepticism **is** winning in some ways, but it could sure be made more accessible to the mainstream.

The skeptical community needs to step up and promote the things that **do** work. If autism/vaccination is your cause, advocate for increased early intervention to 'catch' autistic kids before they hit the news. Advocate for family support, for adult living plans and communities, for changes to inheritance taxes and 'special living' wills that enable us to advocate for our family members and provide for them. About the only thing that we do know for sure about 'treating' autism is that one-to-one intervention in the early years means a lot in terms of later abilities, and more importantly to governments, later tax-paying abilities. No one can 'solve' my children's struggles, and (even though I'm Canadian), I don't expect Joe and Jane taxpayer to fund the bill for my kids in any way beyond what my taxes cover, and what I pay for directly. I don't expect anyone else to help us, but when the only people who offer when you're in a bad situation are the religious or psycho people...it's damned tempting. When my daughter had cancer a church kindly volunteered two great wigs for her to wear- there sure weren't any secular people offering. (And yes, I took the church's wigs...I wouldn't let an 8 year old go bald to satisfy my philosophical objections).

Don't point and laugh at the people who swallow the antivax garbage, the people who use homeopathy, or the people who still think that (beyond reason) shark cartilage is going to cure cancer. Are they deserving of our scorn? Yeah, probably, but we're the ones who've managed to surmount our education and actually look for answers that are based in what we think of as scientific truth. That doesn't mean that their kids or relatives should be tossed on the trash. Maybe that's Darwinism, but I've met enough of my online cohort to think that it's pretty much usually sour grapes. Give them alternatives, and real things to believe in other than a vague concept of "science is the answer". The scientific/medical community (at least in the U.S.) doesn't really give you a lot to hold on to if you're in crisis and you don't have the money to pay for it.
I've been a bit luckier in Canada, but would it ever be awesome (as a parent of autistic kids) to have someone say - "Vaccines didn't cause it. We don't know for sure what does, but we've got some very good ideas. Here are some scientific principles that have been shown to work that will help your kids live healthier, happier lives. Because we believe in science, and because we really don't want to have your kids be a drain on the taxpayers for the 60 years after they become adults, we're going to put our money behind science and encourage you to pursue these therapies." We *have* that knowledge, but no one ever, ever hears that when their child is diagnosed.

It's not rocket science- it really isn't. Skeptics don't fill the void for religion, or snake-oil salesmen, and as much as we want them those things to disappear, it's not happening quickly enough.

I'm sure that you can tell, I'm not a scientist. I have bothered to research the science around the various conditions that my kids are faced with and in areas that I care about. I am a skeptic, about almost everything. Show me someone that promises a miracle cure and I'll be looking in their pockets to see what they get from it. Promise me some kind of existential answer and I'll laugh in your face. Any 'religion' that I've ever read about or been involved about either has a really powerless God, or one that doesn't give a shit, and I can't really say that 'science' is that far ahead (but I'm hoping).

"Skeptics" could do a lot better at actually trying to make a difference, instead of just pointing fingers. I find a bit of comfort in knowing that since my daughter survived her cancer she's only got a 6% chance of a recurrence, and that the struggles that two of my children are going through at the moment will likely be mostly resolved in a few years, because that's what all of the studies show about autistic people going through puberty say. Neither of those things mean a hell of a lot when you're a parent or a child or a concerned person watching someone that you love go through an ordeal, and that's where 'skepticism' falls down. Churches, snake oil salesmen, starlets, and morons promise at least some support, if not relief, while skeptics just laugh. There often is no actual relief, and a lot of us don't expect any, but the skeptical community could actually get off their ass and do something.

I don't think that a great number of people 'want' to be religious anymore, or even want to go to quacks. Very slowly, in most of our lives, rationality seems to be creeping in. I don't concentrate as much on the 'people losing their faith' demographic any more, because face it, I'm Canadian, and even our fundamentalists hesitate to shove it in anyone's face...Canada sucks at the moment, but we're not going to be taken over by religious morons any time soon. I've had more than a few people trying to shove 'GFCG diets/Chelation/OMG aren't you a horrible person because your kids were vaccinated and no wonder they're autism' crap down my throat, but realistically, it's gone down a lot since the 70s. In my experience at least, with 12 years experience in the 'autism world', people DO want to believe...they want to believe in science, but no one gives them any incentive at all to.

Skepticism/Atheism/Agnosticism should not be a religion, but there **are** things that you can do to make an actual difference aside from commenting online. Run for your school board trustee/superintendent if you really want to make a change. Unless you're in a hugely 'important' electoral district that's going to be contested by money from the big parties, you can help to ensure that the students in your area are getting a real education. And realistically, except in the big money districts, no one gives a shit which gives you a real chance to make a difference.

Volunteer. You really care about the autism/vaccine question? There are organizations in every area that will let you work with autistic or at-risk children (even if you're male, and I am well aware of the appalling discrimination against males in child-centred organizations), where you can make a difference. Let parents (some of whom are the people who can afford the chelation treatments and fund the woo nutbags) see that you're willing to put your time where your mouth is. Pissed off about the encroaching red splot on your state? Work with underprivileged children in your area. Tutor a high school kid who wants to go to college, donate your textbooks to your public library, grow an extra row of vegetables in your garden and donate it to a school breakfast program so that kids don't need to start their school day already hungry before they sit down to learn what an 'hypothesis' is. No one has the time or money to give any extra- we never, ever do. I've worked for non-profits and also (more often) brushed off people who have wanted me to donate, because we're all stretched. I can't think of one time in my life that I've said "great- I have 20 extra hours a week or $200/month, so I'm going to be useful". But I have, on different occasions, and likely you could do the same. And as skeptics, and people who want to be taken seriously because we truly believe that science and rationality are a basis for decision making in our lives and societies, it's time to step up to the plate and offer some real support (and even incomplete answers) to people who are looking so that they don't fall for the bullshit.

I think that skeptics are the one hope that we as the 'human race' have, and I say that as a thinking person, as a parent, and as a parent of disabled kids. I didn't expect kids, didn't particularly want kids, was completely blindsided by the whole disability/cancer thing. You never know what life expects. But again, science came to the fore, because if nothing else, science always surprises us. What we can do is to approach science and skepticism with a sense of 'let's deal with what we have according to the rules that we understand now'.

We have a lot of problems in the world- overpopulation, the whole mess that we've made of the environment, the laughingstock that is anything resembling a space program, the growing polarization between skepticism/science and population/fundamentalism. Skepticism and science can help with all of those, but only if we also understand some of the basic human impulses and needs. Right now, skepticism is not fulfilling those needs, at least according to my experience.

Girl: I was treated like a 'misfit' at Abercrombie & Fitch | StarTribune.com

2009-09-11T06:32:00.000-04:00

Girl: I was treated like a 'misfit' at Abercrombie & Fitch | StarTribune.com

An End to the Divide

2009-04-04T06:51:00.000-04:00

NTs Are Weird � Blog Archive � An End to the Divide: "Online, there is often a very strong divide between some autistic adults and some parents (I recognize that there are people who are both autistic and parents, and this obviously doesn’t apply to them).

I think I can sum up the divide simply. Autistic adults generally want their rights respected, both in the short-term and in the long-term. Parents want the best possible services and supports for their children.

Neither of these is bad. And these goals aren’t at war with each other."

The struggle for care

2009-03-30T21:08:00.000-04:00

The struggle for care | The Australian

After the "monster" article in Salon last week, and now this, I'm becoming more and more afraid to read anything about autism online. It just all hits too close to home.

Sustainable Sushi

2009-03-27T12:30:00.000-04:00

Sustainable Sushi

Where has this guy been all my life? I know what the next book on my list is going to be at the library, but better yet, he keeps his website up to date with the latest news about eating sushi responsibly. I'm in love (with sushi).

Understanding the world of children with autism (for hospital medical professionals)

2009-03-26T05:21:00.000-04:00

Understanding the world of children with autism - One day soon, in the ED or a pediatrics unit, you likely will care for a child with an autistic spectrum disorder. Here's what you should know to prov

I'm going to print this out and take it to our next ER/hospital visit...it's an excellent guide to autism for nurses, by a nurse, on how they can make hospital stays easier for people on the spectrum.

This made me laugh

2009-03-25T06:54:00.001-04:00

YouTube - Childbirth Song

Spider-Man saves autistic boy

2009-03-24T12:25:00.001-04:00

BBC NEWS | Asia-Pacific | Thai 'Spider-Man' to the rescue

What a great story :-)

Alex Barton's tie-dye project :-)

2009-03-24T07:16:00.000-04:00

BLOG.JUSTICEFORALEXBARTON.COM

Thanks to A Room of Mama's Own for the heads-up on this!

New York Times Best Seller List

2009-03-21T11:38:00.000-04:00

New York Times Best Seller List

Very cool. Lists of the New York Times bestsellers from 1950 on.

I would like a hamburger and a hamburger and a hamburger and a hamburger.

2009-03-21T09:57:00.000-04:00

Not Always Right | Funny & Stupid Customer Quotes � Our EQ Just Ate Your IQ

It's always great to see blog posts like this right out of the blue. High fives all around.

The Cab Ride I’ll Never Forget

2009-03-18T07:44:00.000-04:00

The Cab Ride I’ll Never Forget | Zen Moments:

"We’re conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments. But great moments often catch us unaware - beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one."

It's Panda Monday

2009-03-16T09:31:00.001-04:00

Cute Overload! :)

Because it's rarely a bad time for pandas.

Ghoulish "Fight Club" Arrests

2009-03-13T05:57:00.000-04:00

Ghoulish "Fight Club" Arrests - March 12, 2009

"Six employees of a Texas home for mentally disabled adults have been charged with encouraging residents to fight each other. The "fight club" ring at the Corpus Christi State School was discovered by cops after investigators obtained cell phone videos showing the workers goading residents to brawl in common areas of dormitories at the state facility."

There are days when I just don't think that I can take the worry about my kids' futures.

Haikus for a dangerous world

2009-03-11T07:48:00.000-04:00

Arrogant Acts of Chivalry : Haikus for a dangerous world

"I just finished teaching my first class on 3-D cinematography. For the final, I gave the students the option to answer 2 extra credit questions. Here’s the second one.

“A velociraptor is coming at you on a hoverboard. In a haiku, describe how you will survive.”"

(and a great reddit thread about it with more haikus)

The most offensive book title I think that I've ever seen

2009-03-08T05:52:00.000-04:00

Amazon.com: I Wish My Kids Had Cancer: A Family Surviving the Autism Epidemic: Michael Alan: Books

I've got 3 kids who were all diagnosed on the autism spectrum, one of whom is a cancer survivor. There is NO comparison at all. I hope that this book comes into our public library, as I would like to read it in order to actually review it, but there's no way that I would ever enrich the author by actually buying it.

The idea of equating autism with cancer is just pitiful on so many levels. Not only as an insult to those families who do have children with cancer, but also to autistic people everywhere.

Almost Invisible: The Incredible Glasswing Butterfly

2009-03-01T08:04:00.001-05:00

Almost Invisible: The Incredible Glasswing Butterfly

Absolutely gorgeous.

A Fish With A Transparent Head

2009-02-24T07:29:00.001-05:00

Discovery News: Born Animal: See A Fish With A Transparent Head

Now THAT is weird.

The proper use of poetry in break-ups

2009-02-23T06:49:00.000-05:00

YouTube - The Break-Up Poem

Children in the Mental Health Void

2009-02-23T06:17:00.000-05:00

Children in the Mental Health Void - Judith Warner Blog - NYTimes.com

This story is all too familiar to me. It is horrendous when a parent's only choice left is to abandon their child in order to get them help (fortunately we didn't have to go quite that far, but it was close).

Mumps Sucks - Hockey

2009-02-22T14:57:00.000-05:00

YouTube - Mumps Sucks - Hockey: ""

This commercial makes me proud to be a Canadian.

Anti-vaccine movement tries out homophobia

2009-02-20T06:28:00.000-05:00

Black Triangle � Blog Archive � Anti-vaccine movement tries out homophobia

I wish that I could say that this was unbelievable.

Women, know your limits

2009-02-14T09:24:00.000-05:00

YouTube - Harry Enfield - Women know your limits

I needed a laugh this morning :-)

I'm Tired of Autism Bracelet

2009-02-13T16:00:00.000-05:00

I'm Tired of Autism Bracelet

How disgusting. I can't even imagine wanting my child to wear a bracelet saying that I'm "tired" of them, and yet I know parents who are actually getting these for their children.

Vaccine didn't cause autism, court rules - CNN.com

2009-02-12T11:00:00.000-05:00

Vaccine didn't cause autism, court rules - CNN.com

Not that it will help those of us who actually believe in science, but it's yet another nail in the anti-vax cross.

MMR doctor Andrew Wakefield fixed data on autism - Times Online

2009-02-08T07:38:00.001-05:00

MMR doctor Andrew Wakefield fixed data on autism - Times Online

Is anyone surprised by this?

Kent State Prof Gertrude "Trudy" Steuernagel dies from beating injuries, son arrested - Metro - cleveland.com

2009-02-08T07:38:00.000-05:00

Kent State Prof Gertrude "Trudy" Steuernagel dies from beating injuries, son arrested - Metro - cleveland.com

What a horribly sad story.

Lifestyles of the Rich, Famous and Surprisingly Smart

2009-02-05T06:24:00.000-05:00

mental_floss Blog � Lifestyles of the Rich, Famous and Surprisingly Smart

I was surprised by Dolph Lundgren.

copyranter: 70s men's socks ad will burn your eye sockets.

2009-02-04T08:08:00.000-05:00

copyranter: 70s men's socks ad will burn your eye sockets.

I am blind!

A very interesting set of photoshopped pictures

2009-01-29T12:17:00.002-05:00

Докторрр ин дер ролле Fima_Psuchopadt (с) - 65 лет назад была снята блокада Ленинграда

Leningrad during the siege in WWII, alongside pictures of modern day St. Petersburg. I'm amazed that so many buildings are still standing, among other things. I also learned something new after looking at them- the blimp-like things that you see are called barrage balloons. It's always a good day when you learn something new. I also think that it's a good reminder that we're always walking in other people's footsteps.

Every time you think that you've seen everything

2009-01-29T09:15:00.001-05:00

RussiaToday: Cry Wolf!

2009-01-27T08:23:00.000-05:00

RT: Cry Wolf!

From the website: "Our knowledge of these proud animals is very vague, full of scary myths and misconceptions. In many countries wolves are considered sinister killers. They are slaughtered all year round as "hunting outlaws" - no licence is needed to shoot a wolf in Russia, and in many regions every wolf comes with a bounty on its head. You'll rarely find it mentioned that wolves are extremely useful animals, essential to the eco-system in which they live.

Started in November 2008, RT cameras capture the life of a group of orphaned wolves growing up in the forest."

Seeing as I'm not likely to accomplish anything useful today, I think that I'll watch wolf videos instead.

Crisp Rosemary Flatbread Recipe

2009-01-26T18:06:00.000-05:00

East Village Kitchen � Crisp Rosemary Flatbread Recipe

These look incredible.

Why can't we face the truth? Having an autistic child wrecks your life ... | Mail Online

2009-01-25T20:42:00.000-05:00

Why can't we face the truth? Having an autistic child wrecks your life ... | Mail Online

What an absolutely horrendous article. I know that it's the Daily Mail, but still.

I hope that Tom never knows how his parents feel about him, or that they're
able to place him somewhere.

My son's behaviours are at least that bad (to the point where he can't live at
home because we can't provide him with 2/1 care), but I can absolutely say that no
one who has come in contact with him ever wishes that he hadn't been born.

Crap articles like this are what make it more difficult for our children to live the
best lives that they can. It reinforces every bad stereotype about autism without taking
into account the huge strides that we've made as a community with therapies, funding
support for families, and science.

This is absolutely irresponsible, and does a huge disservice to every autistic person
out there.

Worth1000.com Photoshop Contest- Star Wars+ Fine Art

2009-01-25T09:02:00.001-05:00

Worth1000.com | Photoshop Contests | Are you Worthy™ | contest

I'll definitely never look at Yoda the same way again. Some great entries.

Maybe you have to be Canadian to appreciate this, but I doubt it

2009-01-24T13:23:00.000-05:00

YouTube - Barenaked Ladies "One Week" Parody

Streaming: Monty Python Puts Free Videos Online, Sells 23,000% More DVDs

2009-01-23T21:00:00.000-05:00

Streaming: Monty Python Puts Free Videos Online, Sells 23,000% More DVDs

If only the RIAA and MPAA would pay attention to this.

Barack Obama action figures don't get any better than this one

2009-01-23T07:00:00.001-05:00

Translated version of http://gamu-toys.info/sonota/sw/obama/obama.html (Translation of a Japanese page)

Mark Bittman’s Bad Kitchen

2009-01-22T09:38:00.000-05:00

Mark Bittman’s Bad Kitchen - Well Blog - NYTimes.com

I suddenly feel better about my tiny, tiny, TINY kitchen.

Great Book Mash-ups

2009-01-22T06:47:00.001-05:00

: "'Green Eggs and Hamlet' - Would you kill him in his bed? Thrust a dagger through his head? I would not, could not, kill the King. I could not do that evil thing. I would not wed this girl, you see. Now get her to a nunnery. (Robin Parry, Arlington)"

Stories Behind 10 Famous Food Logos

2009-01-22T06:27:00.000-05:00

Stories Behind 10 Famous Food Logos - Neatorama

Home Away From Home: Why my autistic children don't live with me.

2009-01-17T14:05:00.000-05:00

Home Away From Home: Why my autistic children don't live with me. By Kent Miller for Babble.com.

It's so rare to see anyone talk publicly about what it is like to have to place a child (or children) into a group home.

10 Sci-Fi Books That Even Non-Geeks Would Love - Neatorama

2009-01-16T12:43:00.001-05:00

10 Sci-Fi Books That Even Non-Geeks Would Love - Neatorama

Possibly the best SF list that I've seen in terms of great SF. I'd substitute Sideshow for the other Sheri Tepper book, and The Time Traveler's Wife for Neal Stephenson, but they are all excellent suggestions if you need reading material.

Female Elephants Rescue A Drowning Baby

2009-01-14T09:01:00.000-05:00

YouTube - Female Elephants Rescue A Drowning Baby

Holiday pictures are up!

2009-01-13T07:38:00.000-05:00

Flickr: Your Photostream

And hopefully today I'll even get around to organizing them (right after I take the Christmas tree down).

Thought for the day

2009-01-13T07:21:00.000-05:00

"No woman will ever be truly satisfied because no man will ever have a chocolate penis that ejaculates money."

Yes, it's sexist, but I still laughed. I'm pretty satisfied, but chocolate? Count me in!

How the city hurts your brain

2009-01-12T06:43:00.000-05:00

How the city hurts your brain - Boston.com

Something I read while on vacation

2009-01-10T12:37:00.003-05:00

“I have watched painful relationships between parents and children. I have seen parents who control and parents who neglect, parents who make terrible mistakes that hurt their children deeply, and parents who forgive children who have done awful things. I have seen nobility and courage; I have seen dreadful selfishness and utter blindness; and I have seen all these things in the SAME parents, raising the same children.

What I understand now is this. There is no harder job than parenting. There is no human relationship with such potential for great achievement and awful destructiveness, and despite all the experts who write about it, no one has the slightest idea whether any decision will be right or best or even not-horrible for any particular child. It is a job that simply cannot be done right.”

(Orson Scott Card, Ender in Exile, 2008, p. 300).

I have numerous philosophical, religious, and moral differences with Orson Scott Card. I've been a science fiction geek for many, many years, and Ender's Game was definitely one of the novels that touched me early, and deeply, and in a lot of ways really encouraged me to become an SF geek. The last five or six books of his that I've read have only served to inform my decision not to buy any more of his books- with his stance on gay marriage (among other things), I made a choice not to support him financially any more by buying any more of his books.

That decision went by the wayside (I'm weak), when I found myself in the middle of the ocean without anything to read, and picked up Ender in Exile from the ships' library.

I was lucky in that I really had a happy childhood. My biological parents were divorced early in my life, but I ended up with a truly wonderful stepfather and basically had a pretty great upbringing. It's always seemed kind of weird to me that so many of my friends hadn't, and that they still truly love parents who (in my opinion), have done horrendous things to them. I've never really understood how they can still "love" their parents after some of the things that have been done to them.

I also look at this quote in the context of me sending Dylan away to live in a group home- although it was (I still believe), the right decision for all of us (including him), I'm not sure that he'd see it the same way if I could understand his communication.

There really isn't any possibility that anyone is prepared to become a parent, or any possibility that children are prepared for the parents that they are born to. Every child deserves love, and nurturing, and the chance to be whatever they can be. And although I think that this quote could imply an exculpation for parents, I don't believe that's how it's intended...I think that it's saying that we can't always know the outcomes of our decisions for our children, and sometimes bad decisions can go hand in hand with the good decisions that we make for our children. I don't think that I've made too many bad decisions for my kids (although I'm sure that I have)...I just hope that when they're older, they realize that I made the decisions that I've made with the best of intentions. None of us have practice in this, and I believe that in a "good" family, we all learn from each other.

Cat turns up on weatherman's set

2009-01-10T09:08:00.000-05:00

BBC NEWS | Europe | Cat turns up on weatherman's set

Very cute :-) It probably would have caused a meltdown in a North American studio :-)

(we're home safely- trip pictures coming soon!)

Have a great New Year!

2009-01-01T04:38:00.002-05:00

We'll be back in 10 days or so :-)

Happy New Year, everybody!

2008-12-31T06:23:00.001-05:00

YouTube - Electrabel - Happy New Year (2009)(FR)

Yes, it is an ad, but it's beautiful.

University of Washington seeks infants for brain scans for autism study

2008-12-31T05:12:00.000-05:00

UW seeks infants for brain scans for autism study

Autism can't tear twin brothers apart

2008-12-26T06:17:00.001-05:00

Autism can't tear twin brothers apart - St. Petersburg Times

Interesting article- this is something I think a lot about.

Mental patients isolated for years despite laws - Mental health- msnbc.com

2008-12-25T20:26:00.000-05:00

Mental patients isolated for years despite laws - Mental health- msnbc.com

YouTube - The Magic Hockey Helmet

2008-12-24T08:46:00.000-05:00

YouTube - The Magic Hockey Helmet

My awesome, awesome kids

2008-12-23T12:30:00.006-05:00

Dylan

Rachel

Kirsten

I couldn't be luckier.

They are 13 years old, and the joy of my life.

I miss Dylan every single day of my life, and my biggest regret is that I don't have 2 clones who could have helped to make him and his sisters safe at home.

Rachel is most likely the most intelligent person I will ever meet in my life- all of her test scores, workers and teachers and friends agree on that. Life with her is never, ever boring.

Kirsten is now 3 year post-cancer, and doing awesomely. 4 years ago on Boxing Day we had to shave her head because her hair was starting to fall out...damn, she's come a long way since then. Her automatic openness and empathy to people who are "different" from her always put me to shame. I do it from conviction and theory desire, she does it without even thinking of it.

Yes, they're all autistic, and yes, it's difficult for all of us a lot of the time. But we manage to muddle through, and still love each other, and contribute to the world around us, and bring joy to some of the people that we meet (I think that the joy part is inspired by them, not me!) With the help of an absolutely amazing husband, my kids make my life blessed.

This American Life

2008-12-22T08:55:00.000-05:00

This American Life

This week's episode:

"When they decided not to vaccinate their son against measles, two San Diego parents thought they were making the best decision for their child. But when the 7-year-old came home from an overseas trip suffering from the disease (pictured at left: measles virus), his family’s personal decision became a whole community’s problem. The resulting outbreak infected 11 children and endangered many others. This and other stories about what happens when people's actions and choices infringe on those around them. Including the disquieting truth about Amtrak’s Quiet Car."

If you listen to podcasts at all, you probably already know that This American Life is one of the best around. I'm looking forward to listening to this one.

What Child is This and Hava Nagila

2008-12-21T07:38:00.001-05:00

YouTube - Jingle Cats What Child is This

I'll never cease to be amazed at what you can find online.

The year 2008 in photographs (part 1 of 3) - The Big Picture - Boston.com

2008-12-21T07:15:00.002-05:00

The year 2008 in photographs (part 1 of 3) - The Big Picture - Boston.com:

"Swiss pilot Yves Rossy, the world's first man to fly with a jet-powered fixed-wing apparatus strapped to his back, flies during his first official demonstration, on May 14, 2008 above Bex, Switzerland. (Fabrice Coffrini/AFP/Getty Images) #"

I'm terrified of heights and flying, but I still think that he must be feeling pretty amazing.

Awesome pictures- well worth looking through.

pics

2008-12-20T08:11:00.004-05:00

At our favourite restaurant

The night I met my husband (at a Fark party, actually)

My mother in law (left) and me

We have the most awesome special ed bus driver ever

2008-12-18T08:44:00.002-05:00

We'd moved shortly before school started last year, and because my daughter R. always buses to school, we're always a bit on the edge waiting to see what her transportation is going to be like. She's taken everything from regular school buses, to "short buses", to cabs and vans, and it's always a bit nerve-wracking.

A couple of days before school started we had a knock on our door, and I opened it to find a gentleman in his 60s standing on our front porch. He introduced himself and said that he was R's new bus driver- that he'd been driving buses for years, but had never driven special ed kids before. He'd heard that children in special education were often more comfortable when they could anticipate a routine, so he was driving his route (that Saturday), not only to find out exactly how long it would take him, but to introduce himself to any of "his" kids that might be home that day. While I'm sure that the school board might have freaked out if they knew that he was driving around introducing himself to people, it was hugely helpful to us- he and R chatted for a few minutes, and it cut her anxiety down for the first day of school by a huge order or magnitude.

We ended up having transportation problems for the first few weeks- unknown to pretty much all of us, the school board had given him an extra route, so he was generally picking R up about 3/4 of an hour late. Needless to say that meant that she was pretty much in full melt-down by the time he got here- we all know that there's nothing more that a lot of autistic kids like than to have their routine thrown into that kind of disarray. We eventually got communication worked out between the four agencies that his routes involved, and he's been prompt, as well as incredibly patient and good with all of the kids.

This morning R went running out to her bus (she got a new sweater last night, so she was itching to get to school), and a few minutes later there was a knock on the door. He and his wife had put together a little Christmas package for each of "his" kids, but he thought that he should give it to me so that she wouldn't be gobbling down chocolate on the way to school.

We see so MANY stories about horrendous transportation experiences, and people who apparently have no ability or desire to get to know our kids. This man told me the first time I met him that he'd never been in a room with an autistic person before and was obviously nervous about it, and yet he has done a wonderful job because he treats "his" kids like people. We're lucky to run across people like him.

For the first time this year, I'm in a Christmas mood.

update for Autism Twitter Day

2008-12-16T11:47:00.002-05:00

Things are flying fast and furiously (figure of speech) on Autism Twitter Day.

For those people asking for more information- I have triplets, born in 1995- two girls, one boy. They are AWESOME kids. They were all diagnosed at 20 months of age after I noticed speech delays, and we were lucky enough to start with integrated daycare, speech therapy, occupational therapy, and integrated day care right away.

My son moved into a group home almost 5 years ago due to extreme self-injury and aggression. I was a single mom, and I couldn't keep him safe, or his sisters safe from him. He is in a fantastic home, we see him regularly, and he is still very much a part of our lives. Right now I have one child (D) in a group home who goes to a self-contained K-8 school, one child (R) who is in a self-contained classroom, and one child (K), who is in a "normal" classroom with no assistance.

The latest article on the kids talks about an awesome sensory playground that we go to every week.

I'm so glad that so many people are interested in us, as I have wonderful kids. They are a constant inspiration to me (and yes, we are going through puberty, so let's just say that every minute of every day is NOT inspirational).

Board games for family fun

2008-12-15T06:09:00.000-05:00

Board games for family fun

Some good reviews if you're looking for Christmas presents!

Gingerbread Fantastic

2008-12-15T05:57:00.003-05:00

YesButNoButYes: Gingerbread Fantastic

If there's a cooler gingerbread house than CBGB I'm not sure what it is :-) There are some awesome creations here.

Simon's Cat 'TV Dinner'

2008-12-14T06:18:00.000-05:00

YouTube - Simon's Cat 'TV Dinner'

YouTube - The Pug Head Tilt

2008-12-13T06:30:00.000-05:00

YouTube - The Pug Head Tilt

I'm not really a small dog fan, but that's pretty funny.

Human Slinky Halftime Basketball Creighton University Omaha NE�Video

2008-12-11T08:47:00.001-05:00

Human Slinky Halftime Basketball Creighton University Omaha NE�Video

Human Slinky Halftime Basketball Creighton University Omaha NE - Watch more free videos

Wow- this is different.

How the Grinch Prorogued Parliament

2008-12-11T07:40:00.000-05:00

CalgaryGrit: How the Grinch Prorogued Parliament: "How the Grinch Prorogued Parliament"

Even if you're a Harper supporter, this is still cute.

Canada ties for last among developed countries for child services: UNICEF

2008-12-11T07:32:00.000-05:00

Canada ties for last among developed countries for child services: UNICEF

Well, that's depressing. Somehow I doubt if it's going to get any better with the Conservatives in charge.

Study Finds Link Between Red Wine, Letting Mother Know What You Really Think

2008-12-09T06:46:00.000-05:00

Study Finds Link Between Red Wine, Letting Mother Know What You Really Think | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

:-)

Alex Trebek Interview - Jeopardy Host - Quotes on Jeopardy and Life - Esquire

2008-12-04T08:39:00.000-05:00

Alex Trebek Interview - Jeopardy Host - Quotes on Jeopardy and Life - Esquire:

"A good education and a kind heart will get you through life in pretty good shape."

"Don't tell me what you believe in. I'll observe how you behave and I will make my own determination."

"If you can't be in awe of Mother Nature, there's something wrong with you."

Alex is still one of my heroes.

Yarn Harlot: What is happening in Canada

2008-12-04T07:01:00.000-05:00

Yarn Harlot: What is happening in Canada

A great explanation of what's going on right now with Canadian politics. It's a fun time to be Canadian :-)

American Airlines Now Charging Fees To Non-Passengers

2008-12-04T06:22:00.000-05:00

American Airlines Now Charging Fees To Non-Passengers | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

It's always good to see the Onion getting back to its old form :-)

Majority of local authorities failing adults with autism

2008-12-03T07:15:00.000-05:00

eGov monitor - A Policy Dialogue Platform | Promoting Better Governance

From a UK study:

1. 148 out of 149 local authorities do not know how many adults with autism are in their area. However, 27% are planning to address this issue.

2. 64% do not have a named team or individual with responsibility for autism in line with Department of Health recommendations. Just over a third of local authorities are following Government guidance in this area, although a further 11% have acknowledged the need for further action.

That's appalling, and I would love to know if Canada is any better.

Brain waves are window into autism language woes

2008-12-03T07:13:00.000-05:00

The Associated Press: Brain waves are window into autism language woes

This study makes some sense to me- it will be interesting to see where they go with this.

Dutch man 'Europe's most committed sperm donor' - Telegraph

2008-12-02T17:06:00.000-05:00

Dutch man 'Europe's most committed sperm donor' - Telegraph

Interesting article. Obviously, having triplets myself, I know a lot of people who have had to use fertility treatments to become pregnant (most triplets are conceived with fertility assistance of some type). I have a lot of respect for people who are sperm or egg donors, or surrogates, as I've seen the end results and know how happy a lot of families are because of the assistance of strangers (or people who they eventually get to know well).

I didn't realize until I read this article that sperm donor anonymity is almost a thing of the past in Europe- that strikes me as being bad news for infertile couples, although possibly good news for the children born of donors. I haven't had any contact with my biological father since I was about 10 (with the exception of one odd phone call in the middle of the night when I was 18), but in the last few years a member of his extended family found me and was able to give me a lot of health information about the paternal side of my family which is appreciated. To me my stepfather is my real dad, but I can't deny that it is nice to know what medical issues I have a higher possibility of facing in my 50s and later life.

Little Shrimp Kicks Ass on Treadmill

2008-12-02T16:27:00.001-05:00

Little Shrimp Kicks Ass on Treadmill�|�Environmental Graffiti

This is likely the coolest experiment that I've ever seen.

My guess is that they came up with the idea in a bar.

Is Stephen Harper Prime Minister of Canada?

2008-12-02T08:17:00.000-05:00

Is Stephen Harper Prime Minister of Canada?

:-)

Inspired by Yiddish- how Yiddish inspired jazz music

2008-12-01T09:09:00.000-05:00

BBC NEWS | World | Audio slideshow: Inspired by Yiddish

Creative Grooming

2008-12-01T08:14:00.004-05:00

A Poodle Ninja Turtle-Leonardoodle

I don't think that any comment I make can adequately explain how I feel.

Creative Grooming

GenderAnalyzer - Determine if a homepage is written by a man or woman

2008-12-01T07:25:00.002-05:00

"Results

We think http://www.chaosandjoy.blogspot.com is written by a man (67%)."

Oops.

Animal Communicator Georgina Cyr: Animal Communication Consultations and Courses

2008-11-30T18:41:00.000-05:00

Animal Communicator Georgina Cyr: Animal Communication Consultations and Courses: "CANADIAN RESIDENTS: Add 7% GST S&H."

I am very definitely in the wrong business. I would absolutely only charge $175 a session to tell people that dogs need to be walked.

Eagles Fly on IYI, or what to do when your local news station has technical difficulties

2008-11-30T06:55:00.001-05:00

YouTube - Eagles Fly on IYI

Awesome! From the information section: "The IYI crew visited Alton Illinois to interview Brett Stawar, executive director of the Alton Regional Convention and Tourism Bureau. Alejandro Cruz, the videographer, had technical difficulties with his wireless mic set, and couldn't capture any of Aileesha Breedlove's interview questions. This is what we did to salvage the segment. Ryan Wiggins wrote approximately 90% of the lyrics based on rough edits, and performed the resulting vocal arrangement. The vocals were captured with an Electro-Voice RE20 microphone, and recorded to DVCpro tape. The audio and video were edited and mixed entirely with Vegas 6.0. All of the 3D titles were produced and rendered with Blender 3D, an open source 3D graphics package.
The entire project took about 4 hours from conception to completion. "

The best lyrics (in my opinion)"

Eagle moustache, eagle snow

Eagles know when it's cold

They're so smart

Birds know a lot

Birds are like people living in trees

More Than Just Cookies: Rethinking the Girl Scouts - TIME

2008-11-29T06:23:00.000-05:00

More Than Just Cookies: Rethinking the Girl Scouts - TIME

Interesting article. While Brownies and Guides (the Canadian version of the Scout movement) were a huge part of my childhood, I only know one child out of all of my friends' children who is involved in it in any way. Most kids I know are so overwhelmed with activities already (usually at least 3-4 times a week), that I'd be surprised if Scouting ends up making it. It's too bad, as I certainly got a lot of valuable things from it, and learned a lot as well. One of the things that I very much enjoyed about Brownies/Guides was that you were always learning something new- it wasn't like dance lessons where you did the same thing over and over again- you were exposed to so many different activities and then could concentrate on the ones that interested you.

It seems that a lot of the old organizations are having difficulties- my girls were involved in Big Sisters for a long time, and while it was hugely successful for us I know that the Big Brother/Big Sister organizations themselves are usually having a lot of difficulty staying viable. I think that in the long run it's going to mean that our children miss out on a lot of things.

Gay penguins steal eggs from straight couples - Telegraph

2008-11-27T11:10:00.001-05:00

Gay penguins steal eggs from straight couples - Telegraph

This is pretty sad.

Star Trek: The Next Generation as written by Dr. Seuss

2008-11-27T06:09:00.000-05:00

StarTrek TNG ala Dr. Suess

Why CNN Struggles to Cover The Economic Panic

2008-11-26T09:12:00.000-05:00

Why CNN Struggles to Cover The Economic Panic - Boing Boing

Give Thanks? Science Supersized Your Turkey Dinner

2008-11-26T09:00:00.000-05:00

Give Thanks? Science Supersized Your Turkey Dinner | Wired Science from Wired.com:

Americans eat a pound of sugar every two-and-a-half days. The average amount of sugar consumed by an Englishman in the 1700s was about a pound a year

Fascinating article about the changes that have taken place in traditional Thanksgiving foods.

4 Stages You Don’t Have to Go Through (when you get an autism diagnosis)

2008-11-26T06:58:00.000-05:00

4 Stages You Don’t Have to Go Through � Andrea’s Buzzing About:

YouTube - Harry Chapin sings TANGLED UP PUPPET Live

2008-11-25T23:40:00.000-05:00

YouTube - Harry Chapin sings TANGLED UP PUPPET Live

I can't embed it, but it's worth watching, especially if you have kids going through puberty :-)

As a Canadian, I'm horrendously embarassed by this-Carleton University drops Shinerama, the big Cystic Fibrosis Fundraiser, because it's "too white"

2008-11-25T20:50:00.001-05:00

Disease dropped

I'm just appalled. (cue get off my lawn speech) When I was in University we protested Reagan and the arms build up, the horrors that were going on in El Salvador and Chile, and demonstrated for Amnesty International whenever we got the chance.

Carleton University is theoretically one of Canada's premier journalism schools, which makes this story even more frightening. Political correctness goes so far and then it only reinforces the supposed evil that it's fighting against. A "white man's disease"? I spent some very frightening hours in a hospital room waiting to see if my then 3 year old daughter had cystic fibrosis.

I am so sick and tired of people thinking that a diagnosis or condition or illness is restricted to race, or age, or "level of functioning". As far as I can tell, the only thing that affects every single one of us is that (if we're lucky), we get old, and then we die. I'm tired of being told that it's so weird that I have 2 autistic girls because autism's a guy thing. I'm tired of being told that my son has "skinny white boy" prematurity issues still hanging on, tired of trying to support people whose kids have different conditions where it seems to turn into a "whose kid is worse" contest.

Canadians aren't all assholes, and this one student council's action is certainly not representative.

The ghost of the ‘refrigerator mother’

2008-11-25T05:28:00.000-05:00

The ghost of the ‘refrigerator mother’ | spiked

What song is this?

2008-11-24T06:48:00.001-05:00

YouTube - What song is this?

This is one of the more clever things that I've seen in a while.

Lines at the ER, a television boom, emptying suburbs. A catastrophic economic downturn would feel nothing like the last one. - The Boston Globe

2008-11-24T06:32:00.000-05:00

Lines at the ER, a television boom, emptying suburbs. A catastrophic economic downturn would feel nothing like the last one. - The Boston Globe

Fascinating article.

20 Strange Sculptures (Part I)

2008-11-23T05:57:00.001-05:00

20 Strange Sculptures (Part I) | Village of Joy

They're not kidding. They are strange.

Kyle Dutter

2008-11-21T11:05:00.002-05:00

Kyle was a 12 year old autistic boy who loved Halloween.

About Us:

"House is decorated, and I am choosing between a Ghost (of course) a
skeleton, or a pirate captain this year...

I got a new bike (see pics) THANKS DARSEY!

I go to the Halloween store every other evening."

Kyle was murdered by his father this week.

My heart goes out to his surviving family.

My kids at Playsense

2008-11-21T10:13:00.004-05:00

Facebook | Your Photos - Playsense

My son comes home from his group home for dinner every week, and we always go to play at this awesome play centre for kids with special needs. The pictures really don't do it justice, but the entire place is designed to serve sensory as well as gross motor needs. I really can't say enough good things about it- they run amazing programs as well as class tours, and we're lucky to be able to go there. Hopefully you can get some idea of it from the pictures :-)

The magic of make-up, photography and a good model

2008-11-20T14:49:00.001-05:00

Miss at la Playa: The magic of make-up, photography and a good model

Fascinating- the same model made up to look 10 years old, 20, 30, 40, 50, and 60. Apparently 30 was not a good year for her.

Review of My Toddler's Pretend Restaurant

2008-11-20T12:03:00.001-05:00

Review of My Toddler's Pretend Restaurant | Momlogic: "Review of My Toddler's Pretend Restaurant"

This almost makes me sad that the toddler years are over for us.